A photo diary of life c. 2014-2016…
Tag: los angeles
Doubts about about leaving Los Angeles
Yesterday I did a huge thing. I sent my passport and paperwork in to the Spanish consulate to get a visa to teach English over there for the coming school year. The strange thing is, the closer it gets to being real, the less real it feels. Back in February, I could easily picture myself in Spain. I could casually mention I was moving to Spain in the fall. Now, even though I’m getting my visa and working on Brady’s pet passport, it feels so surreal. Like, at the end of this, I will definitely still be living in LA, working in TV, and coming home to my amazing apartment and living with my best friend/life partner.
The closer it gets, the more I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I think I am. I think my doubts are just nerves, because one of the ways that I am crazy is that I love adventure but hate change. And I especially hate changing my life now, because I love my life! I love LA, I feel healthier and happier here than I ever have. I love my friends, and my apartment, and even my crappy car. I love the sunshine and the food and the mountains. I also really do love working in television. So… why am I doing thing?!
The main reason comes down to the fact that, if I was handed my dream job tomorrow (TV writer), if that’s all I did with my life, I wouldn’t feel fulfilled. I have all these other things I want to do first. So is it more important for me to get my dream job in my 20s, or spend the rest of my 20s doing amazing, life changing things, and then settle down in one place and really focus on my career? To me, it’s a no brainer. In theory. But when the reality of leaving this life and people I love so much to move somewhere I’ve never been, where they speak a language I don’t know, and do a job I have no experience doing… well. It’s terrifying.
There are obviously a ton of pros as well. I can really dive into Spanish. I can explore so many parts of Europe. I can live on the same continent and (almost) the same time zone as Gareth.
But now I’m in the nitty gritty of selling my car and giving notice on my apartment and, honestly, I’m freaking out. I’ve made some big moves before–when I first moved to London I didn’t know anyone, and it was my first time leaving the states. But that was for college and I was surrounded by other English speaking undergrads. And I moved to LA, but that was a slow motion move that started with a semester out here and never involved having to live anywhere without Katie. Plus, I’m old now, set in my ways, and am used to a comfortable life. Where I have enough money to afford a nice apartment and a pet and anything else that might come up. I’m saying goodbye to a lot of security, and also about 75% of my paycheck. Ugh.
I know LA will always be here, and I want to move back here again some day for sure. I just wish I knew this was the right move at the right time.
HOLLYWOOD ASSISTANT – WHAT I DO
Before I moved to LA I crazily searched the internet for blogs about Hollywood assistants. It was such an unknown world, but one that had quite the reputation. Everything I read said it would be hard, demeaning, demanding, and that the pay would be terrible. I was told to expect to be screamed at, to be ready to dodge office supplies that may be thrown in my direction, and be prepared to sort M&Ms so only the “right” colors were left in the bowl.
My experience? Pretty different from that, though I can see how those stories got started. Also I do know people personally who have had all of those things happen. It’s allowed, you can put up with it or find a new job, but I’d say those experiences are less common than the standard.
I moved to LA during my last semester of college, because my school had a satellite program out here. I got two amazing internships, one working for Steve Carell’s production company (this made my friends/family back home VERY excited), and another internship working Tommy Schlamme, who directed/EP’ed The West Wing, one of my all time favorite shows. It was a great semester (work wise, personally I was a bit of a mess. Luckily this is something LA welcomes). After graduating, I went to London from the summer before officially moving back to LA. From there, one of my old internship supervisors put my resume in for a job at an agency, and I was hired within ten days of job hunting. This is NOT the norm, as I knew in theory and would later find out in practice.
Jobs at agencies are notorious. Hollywood bootcamp, where you earn your stripes. This is where the screaming happens. It’s fast paced, you wear fancy business clothes and heels, and you feel very important. You also drink at work a surprising amount. I started in the mailroom, within another ten days was covering for the CFO while her assistant went on her honeymoon, and during that time, a desk opened in TV lit, where all aspiring TV writers want to be. To back up, why, as an aspiring TV writer, was I at an agency? Agencies are corporate, and they are about the money. That said, a year on an agency desk is required for so many jobs, and is a bonus at the others. It means you can hack it in a fast paced environment. It means you have “thick skin” and can “deal with personalities,” meaning you won’t cry (at least in public) if someone yells at you, and you’ve trained yourself to seem unflappable even if you’re freaking out on the inside. You’ve survived boot camp and earned your stripes.
That said my roommate never worked at an agency. She came in, got a job as an office PA in production on a GREAT show, stayed there for a few years, and is now the assistant to a big TV director. Agencies aren’t necessary.
However, I wouldn’t trade my time at an agency for anything. It’s where I met all my friends–it really is its own form of grad school. Lots of young twentysomethings all doing the same super stressful job leads to instant bonding and tons of nights out after work getting drinks. I also learned so, so much about the industry. How it works business wise, who everyone is, etc. My friends who haven’t ever assisted a person (vs a show or movie), have said they feel like their knowledge is really isolated. They know how things work on their production, and that’s it. I know all the major players at the big networks and studios.
Anyway, back to that open desk. After my few weeks at this agency, I realized this was the ONLY desk I wanted in TV Lit, which meant it was the only desk I wanted in the whole company. I had heard the horror stories, and the agent whose desk was open seemed like someone who wouldn’t throw a stapler at me, and he didn’t seem like a yeller. Apparently the desk was all but promised to this guy he knew personally who was also in the mailroom, but I interviewed anyway and it went really well, and I got the job. My boss became one of my best friends in LA during the year and a half I worked for him. He knew most things about my (at the time) disastrous personal life, and when he got married last year I was only of only a few dozen guests at his wedding. And I was right, he wasn’t a thrower or a yeller. We very much became a team and when I made mistakes (like forgetting to put a meeting in his calendar and having the person show up while he was halfway through a different meeting, or accidentally DOUBLE BOOKING a client for two projects going on at the same time) he rolled with them completely. I did get yelled at a few times – for zero reason and without apology (obviously) by other people at the company. But, if you have a good boss, you’re pretty protected, and though this does help you grow that thick skin, it really doesn’t impact you at all.
I left that job for a few reasons. I didn’t want to be an agent, and I think if I had stayed any longer it would have just happened by accident. It’s an addictive world–the phone rings constantly–and I mean constantly. I would go home for the night at 8 and come in at 9 with hundreds of new emails. My boss didn’t care about contracts or money so I dealt with that end of things, which was hard and scary and also made me feel super capable. The first few months on that job I was in a constant panic, and by the end I felt really confident and capable. It really transformed my self worth in a positive way, which is not usual for work at an agency. But not as unusual as people think. It really ALL depends on your boss.
But they were giving me more and more responsibility, and I was pretty forced to take it. My boss and I had worked together long enough that when he was mad at me about something, I would get just as annoyed with him, because it probably wasn’t my fault and it was dumb he was mad. This is SO insanely not an aspect of my professional personality. At work, it takes so long for my personality to come out at all, and the thought of a superior being mad or annoyed with me is enough that just writing that sentence is making me feel anxious. It was kind of great to not feel so nervous about his opinion, but also probably meant I was too comfortable.
Also, as a side note, that pay at an agency is terrible. It’s the lowest I’ve been paid as an adult, and when I look back I honestly don’t know how I lived in LA on such a wage. I was making, after taxes a little UNDER $500 a week. This went up after I hit my year mark, and my boss gave me a very generous Christmas bonus, but the pay still super sucked.
Our department was also changing a lot in ways I didn’t love, my friends were leaving, and I didn’t feel very interested in helping them reorganize when I wasn’t trying to stay at the company long term. So I started job hunting and ironically the girl who sat next to me and I both got jobs on the same show. Me as writers PA, her as the showrunner’s assistant.
This show was kind of a mess and though it ended around when it was meant to, everyone kind of mutually agreed to stop, and the show was canceled before it was shot. This was a weird point in my life because the freedom of not being an agency assistant was AMAZING. Being a writers’ PA can vary WILDLY with what you’re actually doing. Sometimes you can sit in the writers room, sometimes you can’t. Sometimes, as we’ll see, you can PITCH in the writers room. This show was not that. Only writers were allowed in the room, but my job duties were so boring and basic–grocery shop, get lunches, handle the room budget, and sometimes go on a coffee run/make a smoothie. That was it. So I spent a lot of the time just hanging out, figuring out how to earn airline miles, and planning round the world trips I wanted to one day take. It was SO different from the agency where I’d get maybe a few minutes of breaks throughout the day. That said, it was also kind of boring and not the best show environment, and was a confusing time trying to figure out what the future looked like. It was also the job I was paid the most on. I was making nearly double of what I made at the agency, and it reinforced that Network TV is where the money is at.
So the show ended, I went into a total panic because I was jobless. It’s funny because the other assistants on the show who had been through this before were so chill, and I could not relate to that at all. Now I’m the same way. You realize you’ll find a new job eventually, even if it takes a few months, and you’ll be okay.
When the show ended I went back to visit London, where I hadn’t been since graduating college. I reconnected with old friends and also fell in love with Gareth, which was pretty cool. While there I got put up for a Netflix show by one of the writers on my last show–her girlfriend was EPing it. I had a skype interview and was hired from London. Amazing.
That show was the best. The hours were a dream, I had the same duties as on my last show but was allowed to sit in the room. The showrunner kept encouraging me to sit in and speak up on occasion, which I sometimes did but I think bothered other people, so it was a bit of a balancing act. At one point, everyone was off on script and the staff writer was breaking his episode (to then present to the higher level writers), and he let me and the other assistants help break it. It was the best. (Netflix pay was a little under my network job.)
I then proceeded to job hunt. And hunt. And hunt. It was horrible. I was so broke. I couldn’t afford a very active social life, and hated not having a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I spent a lot of time at the library, and tried to casually write about how much unemployment sucks here.
Then I got hired as the writer’s PA on the show I’m on now. It was great, I was working on a critically acclaimed show on a cable channel, run by one of my idols. At this point, I was sick of PAing, but was obviously happy and grateful for whatever I could get. It was also really nice to be on a show that wasn’t in its first season, as things run a bit more smoothly that way. This was the lowest paid job I had since leaving the agency, but after a few months, one of the EP’s assistants got staffed, and I was offered her job. I casually mentioned I was promoted on here, but this was a pretty big deal and is a MUCH better job. So now I’m a writer’s assistant (not to be confused with the kind of writers’ assistant who sits in the room and takes the notes), and it’s amazing. It’s such a great job, and I feel so lucky to be on a show that so heavily values promoting from within. From the first season until now, most assistants, from the first PA on, have made it to staff. It’s amazing, and such a great environment. I also got a big raise, and now make only a bit less than what I made on my first network show.
So, that’s my long-winded Hollywood story. Working in TV is possibly not what I want to do forever – I love it, but I find rooms a bit frustrating. There’s a lot of time wasting. People seem to mutually agree to spend all their spare time at the office. There are usually ping pong tables, darts, etc, and the idea of working these long (often 12 hour) days forever – even when I have kids, is just not that appealing. I also sometimes miss the craziness of a desk job, where I know exactly what I need to accomplish and time passes quickly while I do so. But I’d not trade these experiences for anything, because even if I don’t stay in this forever, it was a fantastic way to spend my 20s.
(feature imagine source)
NEW KITTEN
We got a kitten! And by “we,” I mean I finally convinced my roommate to get a kitten. Her incredibly loved cat passed away over the summer, and while she is very missed, there’s been a hole in our lives (and apartment) that needed filling! My cat, Brady, has been pretty depressed being the only kitty in the house, especially since I’ve gone back to work. Now he has a friend. And such a CUTE friend at that.
We got her last weekend because we both had Monday off and could use the extra day to get her settled in. Turns out LA is currently lucky enough to have a cat shortage, and most of the five shelters we went to were completely out of cats. Which was half AMAZING because animals in cages makes my heart hurt, but less amazing because we wanted one! Eventually we found a non-profit that was having an adoption fair at a petco, and it was there we found Jack. She’s a diluted tortoiseshell kitten, and is SO friendly. She was bottle fed, and basically loves sitting in people’s laps. Anyone’s lap, really. She’s completely unafraid. When you first bring a kitten home you’re supposed to let them hide, keep them in a single room, and away from other animals. This little girl never hid, meowed until she could meet Brady, and wanted to explore the whole apartment immediately. They have become the most adorable best friends.
Welcome to the family, Jack. It’s so nice to have you!
Thanksgiving 2015
And just like that, summer ended in Los Angeles.
I’m not going to lie, Autumn is my favorite season, and being without it for the past few years has been tough. But Los Angeles does this great thing where out of nowhere it gets cold and a bit crisp. Today, I’m wearing leggings, a sweater dress (!), and tall brown boots. And it’s the best feeling in the world. It has also rained the past two days which I always view as a bit of a treat (compared to living in London when I was desperate for sun warm enough to sit outside in), and Monday there was an awesome rainbow.
For the past four years I’ve had Thanksgiving with Katie’s family (once when she wasn’t here). We hosted this year and her whole family, her parents, both her sisters and their partners and some aunts and uncles, came out. It was so wonderful! (I made a chocolate bourbon pecan pie and it was DELICIOUS.)
Quick update on No Spend Novem (I’ve shortened it because that way it almost rhymes): All my friends planned a road trip to Vegas. None of us have been, as it’s not the highest on any of our lists. But it’s right there and our friend Maggie is going to support her father in a race. The plan was to road trip, get a cheap hotel for Friday and Saturday, and drive back Sunday. Originally I agreed, because I want to go everywhere and if I’m ever going to do Vegas, I want it to be with my best friends. But then I thought about the cost total, and No Spend Novem, and realized it was just not a real option. Vegas will be right there for the foreseeable future, but I only have one No Spend Novem and I want to kick its butt.
The (selfishly) happy news is that a day after I bowed out, the trip fell apart for unrelated reasons, and now we’re going to try to go in February. So I get the double happiness of making the financially correct decision while not actually missing out on Vegas with my friends.
Updates
Hey blog/blog readers (aka, Mom)!
I’ve decided to make some changes. I realize by updating only when I’ve crossed something off my list, I’m forced to wait ages between posts, and we’re missing loads of little but important things in between! It’s like when you see an old friend and they ask what you’ve been up to–because they don’t know any of the day to day stuff, the new recipe you found or the great book you’ve just read don’t matter, only the big life events. I want this blog to be like a day to day friend. So while I will continue making the big, milestone posts, I want to do smaller ones too.
For example, my amazing, wonderful, fill-in-your-complimentary-descriptor here, boyfriend just came to visit me! His first time in Los Angeles! We did really great things like see Florence and the Machine from VIP seats at the Hollywood Bowl, and road bikes from Venice to Santa Monica, and hiked the Hollywood sign, and took a quick trip to Santa Barbara, and watched A LOT of Parks & Rec. Confession: we may have spent our night in SB just hanging in our airBnB, drinking wine, eating chocolate and chips, and watching Netflix. And it may have been THE BEST.
I saw two of my best friends/old roommates from Boston in September. Jussie lives in Australia with her boyfriend, and Emily moved to Idaho to work at a school for kids with behavioral issues in Montana. I haven’t seen them since (surprising them at) their going away party two years ago. Jussie had to come back to the states for a wedding, and then planned to go to Emily and fly out of LA after staying with me. However, I have nothing but free time and loads of airline miles, so I flew to Emily too, and had one of the best experiences ever. I’d never been to the midwest, but WOW is it gorgeous, especially Glacier National Park. I tried to be selective, but WAY too many pictures below. It was like living in a painting.
Also we added an accent wall, and I think it has made our apartment SO much nicer. It’s just so homey and comfortable. And orange is my favorite color.
Lastly, I’m unemployed, and that is kind of the worst. I knew it would be tough getting back and finding a job, but I didn’t know it would be THIS tough. I didn’t want to talk about this cause it stressed me out so much, but it’s also a pretty big thing going on in my world right now. I would never change anything, because living with my boyfriend and seeing more of the world meant so much to me, but I am really, really excited for when I can once more join the work force and feel a little less adrift.
And that’s it for now! Mostly because I am starving and am going to go home to make an incredibly cheap, very healthy meal that maybe I’ll blog about tomorrow!