5 YEAR JOURNAL

I’m an incredibly nostalgic person. I look at the past with such rose colored glasses, something that’s probably not SUPER healthy, but oh well. I think it leads to a positive, optimistic view that even things that feel bad at the time will end up being just fine.

This is great, in some ways. I refused to let go of my British study abroad friends, and years later they’re still there, and one is now mi novio. But also bad in others, like I am terrible at living in the moment and also at letter go of tiny, worthless things that are from past phases in my life. I don’t care at all about clothes or makeup or STUFF really. But that note my friend wrote me four years ago about grabbing lunch? INVALUABLE.

Because of this, I love to document things. But I also cannot keep up a journal because handwriting anything sucks and my brain thinks a million times faster than my wrist can move. Also who remembers to write often enough for it to be worth it? I have so many journals that I only write in when I’m on planes, because journaling during a plane ride makes sense. Otherwise? Not so much. (That said I LOVE notebooks and journals and have a collection of GORGEOUS ones from around the world. And will continue to collect them forever, probably.)

HOWEVER, I recently bought a 5-year Journal. Have you heard of them? They are SUCH a good idea, and I waited to post until some time had passed and I could track if I’d actually keep up with it or not. The verdict? Yes… when it’s convenient. When it’s on my bedside table with a pen resting on top, I’ll write every night for months straight. I put it in my work bag two weeks ago so I could take a picture of it to blog about… and didn’t write anything for those two weeks. Oops.

That said, it’s one of my favorite things. There’s only a little space for each day, so you pick the highlights and know you don’t have to dedicate much time to an entry. And it’s like a handwritten, more personal time-hop. I can look back and see where I was and what I was doing the year before, or eventually five years before.

I love the idea of the journeys this journal and I will go on together. In five years I hope to have traveled loads, maybe learned a language, HOPEFULLY (dear god), be living with Gareth. And who knows what else. When I write in the last row, I’ll be 30. I expect life will be pretty different then, and what a cool way to track all the little things that result in a drastically different life, all the little steps I’ll take to get from October 15, 2015, when I started, to October 14, 2020, where I’ll end. And an account of all the days in between.

Mine is also stuffed full of mementos from the days, like ticket stubs or hotel stationery. I never got into scrapbooking, but this feels like a great (and much less time consuming) alternative.

I WILL TRILL MY R’S

Cooking. Algebra. Squats. There are some things I just can’t do. And for years I had convinced myself that trilling my R belonged on the can’t list, something I was perfectly fine with. I’d heard the excuses before–it’s genetic, some people, even native Spanish speakers, just plain can’t do it. Obviously, I was one of those people. I couldn’t roll an R and that was okay.

Until I decided to dust off the old Spanish and dive straight back in. Suddenly, there were all these words I couldn’t say. I was calling dogs buts and I couldn’t do anything about it. Spanish is already hard enough without adding in an entire letter (sound?) I can’t make.

So I started practicing. I watched all the youtube videos, I read all the articles. Nothing came close to working. Again, I came to the conclusion that I was just physically incapable.

But fun fact about me, I HATE being bad at things. At anything. I honestly think this is why Spanish is such a struggle for me–I hate how long it takes to learn the grammatical rules, the vocab. I feel like I’m failing if a week in I can’t read Harry Potter or understand native speakers in Spanish youtube videos. That is obviously the WRONG way to approach learning a language, and I really do think I’m learning to relax into the process, not put too much pressure on myself, and just let the learning happen. That said, I think all my perfectionism and impatience found an outlet by zeroing in on one thing. That thing being the trilled r.

Hence, the practice. For weeks now I’ve been trying. Sometimes I’d think I was close and I’d show my roommate and she’d laugh like a terrible person and I’d realize that only in my head did it sound like anything at all.

But then I realized, you couldn’t hear it (I tested this by recording myself). But I could FEEL it. I could feel my tongue starting to vibrate. I knew I was close. Last night I locked myself in my room and made crazy sounds for HOURS. The more frustrated I got, the crazier I sounded, until I was SURE I was doing it. Spoiler alert: I was not. But I really was close. I showed my roommate, she was a little more encouraging. I sent it to my boyfriend and he was shocked I couldn’t just do it, he didn’t know it was a sound people struggled to make (PS I hate him). I sent it to roommate’s Spanish speaking sister in law, she said I really was close. To move my tongue closer to my teeth.

(This video is highly embarrassing, I was never planning on showing anyone. BUT if it gives just one person hope or insight into the process, then it’s worth it. That said, excuse the crazy hair, terrible angle, and oversized t-shirt.)

I spent all day sitting in my office like a true psycho, trying to whisper a trill to myself. Probably not the most effective method, but it loosened my tongue up. Then I had to run an errand and was so pent up and just READY to have figured it out, I started doing it REALLY loudly. I had read this could help. Also that singing  can make it super easy, and also that it could make it damn near impossible. I started making the sound in gibberish, because it felt like that’s kind of what my tongue should be doing. Basically, I was throwing anything and everything at my alveolar ridge, trying to crush its spirit. (In my head we were in a war.)

And then like magic, something happened. A trilling sound came out. It was almost like I could roll my r. There were all kinds of limitations: only for a few seconds, pretty much only when the word STARTED with an R, and it only worked about 50% of the time. BUT. SOMETHING was happening.

I took a million videos because even though I wasn’t at 100%, I was at something and I was so scared it was a one time occurrence. For one night only, watch Kristen nearly roll an R! But also to remind myself that it IS possible. Obviously I’m not completely there yet, but there’s no anatomical reason why I can’t do it. The only thing holding me back is my own self doubt. Also to maybe give other people hope, because I was pretty much hopeless and lookie here, I’m really kind of doing it!

**Please ignore the fact that I look and sound like a CRAZY person in all of these videos. I can’t really do it unless I go really fast and kind of loudly. They’re gonna love me in Spain.

EUROPEAN ROAD TRIP?

One of my favorite things to do is plan, in great detail, trips that I’m not actually going to take. Or, to be more accurate, not take in the immediate future. But I will do a RTW trip one day, and when that day comes I know my route and about how long I’ll stay where, and what will be flights and what will be ground transport. And it will be epic. That was what I spent most of my time doing during the hardest months of unemployment. Planning that RTW trip.

Now, with that very important task completed, I’ve moved on to a road trip around Europe. I roadtripped from Boston to Los Angeles in January of 2010 with my best friends from college, and it was one of my favorite life experiences. So when Gareth got a car last year, I started googling and realized just how tiny Europe actually is. It only takes two and a half hours to drive from Brussels to Amsterdam, or five and a half to drive from Berlin to Warsaw, for example.

I don’t know exactly when this road trip will happen, but it’s definitely going to. I think it’ll be about two-two and a half weeks (though only 12 days with a car), and renting a car in Brussels and dropping it off in Tallin 12 days later is about $300.

I feel like that’s how much cars rent for in Los Angeles a day.* The ferry from Tallin to Helsinki is only 19 Euros, and there are flights back to London for as little as $80. This feels so doable and not very expensive, minus the fact that gas prices in Europe are crazy high.

Take a look!

Also as I was planning this I got more adventurous and look at this one! What a beauty! Though I can’t find anywhere that has online information about picking up a car in Calais or Brussels and dropping it off in Belgrade. Or even Budapest.

It’s not happening soon but that doesn’t matter in my crazy head. Planning, to me, is half the fun.

*This felt like a huge exaggeration but I just checked Enterprise and to rent a car from Friday-Monday is about $250!

NO SMOKING? NO PROBLEM!

I did it!!

Way back when I used to keep track of my goals on 43things.com, this was near the top of the list. It didn’t make my 30 before 30 because I found it too hard to quantify. When had I really quit?

I’d gone 4 months without smoking a few times before, but always cracked at the first real opportunity. Like going back to London, or the person I quit with starting up again, and at least I beat them, right?

That said, March 2nd was my 6 month anniversary without smoking(!!!!), and this time really feels like the last time. I made it through moving back home, away from Gareth. I made it through two trips of Gareth visiting. I made it through four months of unemployment. Through the holidays with my insane family and my terrifying cancer scare. And I made it through a (short) trip back to London. And by this point, the idea of it grosses me out again. All appeal is lost. Though I will say I do miss breaking up a night out with quick trips outside, and the talks I’d have with other smokers. It was also a great way to strike up a conversation with a good looking guy.  ?

I don’t really have a “HOW” I quit smoking. I just did. I waited until a big life event (moving back to the states) and just decided not to smoke a cigarette on American soil. Also I looked at my bank account and saw that those 10 pound 20 packs were converting to a solid $15USD each and basically had the heart attack the cigarettes were going to eventually cause anyway.

They say by this point I’ve decreased my risk of heart attack, all the nicotine is completely out of my body, and my lungs have begun to repair themselves. I feel great. I can run now without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or die of asthma.

Smoking also has a strong and direct link to cervical cancer, so while it was a relief to know I had already quit when everything happened in December, I’m not really looking to up my chances any further.

I’ve heard that cigarettes are the most addictive things on the planet (though this sounds like something that isn’t true). But in theory, I am a badass. Also a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke.

Italian Flag

ITALIAN CITIZENSHIP – THE BEGINNING

I realized something kind of depressing today. Even though my citizenship appointment with the Italian consulate was at the beginning of December, because I didn’t mail in my Dad’s license until February, THAT is when I’ll be processed. Which is KIND of annoying because I was told this wasn’t the case, but it’s confirmed I’m in the with Feb crowd. Lame.

In better news, people from October are getting their passports, so progress is chugging along, and with the 2 week Christmas break in appointments, I’m really not THAT further back from where I was.

Also I went back through my saved 43things.com list and found this – posted back in 2011. Oh how far we’ve come! I just need patience for this last leg of the journey.

I apologize for the terrible formatting here, I can’t find a way to edit it!

Goal:	Get my Italian citizenship
Title:	Untitled
Date:	2011-03-22T04:54:01Z
Body:	I've always wanted/needed/planned on becoming an EU citizen at some point. However my options were always really limited, short of grad school or tricking someone into marriage. My mother is eligible for Irish citizenship, and when helping her research the requirements I realized—I'm eligible for Italian citizenship! I've only started the process this weekend, but as of now I've emailed my great-great grandparents' comune in Italy asking for their records, emailed immigration about my gggrandfather's immigration status, and am going home this week to get my (living) family member's records.

I am VERY excited and VERY nervous something will come to light that will

26TH BIRTHDAY AND A LAST MINUTE TRIP TO LONDON

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On February 1st, two important things happened. I turned 26 and I made a crazy, impromptu weekend trip to London. It was also the year anniversary of the Patriots winning the Super Bowl, but who’s counting?

I found out a few weeks before that the weekend of my birthday, which was on a Monday, was a long one. We had Friday and Monday off. I joked to G a few times that I should fly to London, but it was always a joke. That’s 24 hours of flying for one weekend. That’s crazy.

Flash to Thursday morning. I woke up from a really vivid dream that I was in London with my girlfriends, getting ready to go out. Nothing special happened, it just felt SO real. And I woke up devastated it wasn’t. Heartbroken I wasn’t about to meet all my friends at the pub, that Gareth was actually half a world away, already midway through his Thursday.

So. I decided to be crazy. I booked the tickets. (Which I was able to do last minute because of the thousands of airline miles I obsessively collect.)

Also I was late for work, because I needed to make the decision, call the airline, and pack in the time it usually takes for me to just roll out of bed and get in my car (my morning routine, ladies and gentlemen). I spent the whole day buzzing with excitement. We had a birthday party at work for me and the other assistant who stole my birthday minus a year. Then I got a bunch of alerts that the plane was delayed by hours. I tweeted AA and they responded that they needed to find a whole new plane. Then I read that the plane on its way to LA from London had filled with smoke and needed to make an emergency landing. That could have been me! That was the plane I was meant to take on its way back to the UK.

It was mostly fine, I hung out in the admirals club and drank free wine. We boarded five and a half hours late, something I normally wouldn’t care about but that was a decent percentage of my total time in London! The flight was empty. Probably everyone else got on an earlier flight or decided to go home and sleep in their beds instead of wait at the airport until 1am. But not I! And I was rewarded with an empty row and basically a flight attendant all to myself.

London at Night

I landed in London and it was SO good to be back. It felt so surreal. 24 hours before I had no idea I’d be in London the next day. Seeing Gareth had been months away and actually being in London even longer. And suddenly, there I was! Fighting to get my oyster card working and sitting on the tube. It was a really special moment that reminded me not to take anything for granted, that the world is so much smaller than you think. And that Gareth really isn’t as far away as he sometimes feels. I took a picture to capture it. To me it’s a picture of the endless possibilities and the strange turns life takes. To everyone else it probably just looks like a train.

London Tube

Then I was home and everything was amazing. My keys still worked (obviously), the drawer of clothes G convinced me to leave were still there, ready to be worn (though I did raid it on my way back, shhh), and Gareth had flowers, dinner, chocolate, red wine, Prosecco, and a toothbrush ready and waiting for me (read: he is perfect). And all my friends dropped everything and met me at the pub that night. It was amazing. I made my literal dream come true!

The weekend was a lovely mix of seeing friends and getting some great one on one time with G. Both nights all my friends came over, and during the days Gareth and I would stroll around London, eat delicious food, and play our favorite card game. It was really perfect. It was just a glowy haze of fun and feeling so full and happy.

The next morning the three people I hadn’t been able to see yet came over for breakfast (G makes the best breakfast sandwiches in probably the entire world), and then we went on another walk and then for my birthday dinner. Which was amazing. We keep trying to go to this Italian place by the train station, and it keeps being closed on the only night we can go. But instead we went to Olivelli on Lordship Lane, and it was perfect. The food was delicious and we had the most comically grumpy waiter. Also they had this dessert that was the best thing I’ve ever had. It wasn’t even chocolate, and it is RARE I enjoy a chocolate-free dessert. I don’t remember what it was called but the waiter said it was very traditional Sicilian. It looked like cottage cheese. And I want it 100 more times in my life.

My last morning we had breakfast and watched bad TV, which was what we did most mornings this summer. Then he took me to the airport and even though it was sad, because it always is, this time it felt different. This time I knew that he really was just a plane ride away. That we could plan to see each other in May but we could change our minds and be with each other 24 hours later.

It was the perfect weekend. It didn’t feel too rushed, it didn’t feel like a clock was ticking down. It felt stolen, or like the most perfect birthday gift. I’m so incredibly happy I had a vivid dream and a crazy, impulsive reaction to it. I hope I have them more often.

(Feature photo source)

GR-93 EZCARAY TO SAN MILLAN DE COGOLLA

SPANISH

This 30 before 30 goal is definitely my trickiest one. I think it’ll be even harder than making it to 11 different countries in five different continents, actually. The thing is, I’m just not good at languages. I studied Spanish from 8th – 12th grade and by the end could barely string a sentence together. My classmates seemed to understand it in a way I never could.  I’d listen to them have actual conversations with our professors and not get how they could do it, when we had been in the same class and I DEFINITELY couldn’t. It just did not, and does not, come naturally.

And that was fine, until I went to Spain, and then Guatemala, and then El Salvador and Mexico. Honestly, even working in a restaurant or living in Los Angeles. Spanish is everywhere. And I want to travel and be able to communicate with people other than Americans and Brits. I want to feel as comfortable walking down the street in Madrid as I do in any random English speaking city. I want to be able to hold a steady conversation with the driver for an entire cab ride. I don’t want to have to think… between… each… word when trying to say something. I want it to be natural.

So, I have goals. But wanting is not nearly the same as achieving. It’s not even the same as working towards it. For the past year (and for many years before), this has sat on my list as something I really want, and something I’ll get to… some day. Which meant it was future Kristen’s problem–and it’s easy to keep making things future Kristen’s problems, until the only problem is that I failed to even try at something I really want.

So, the plan. I’m diving into Spanish. This is going to be the start of something real. I bought a grammar book. I bought a beginner’s book that tells a story that I’m finding I can actually read. I’m doing duolingo every day. I’m watching Mi Vida Loca. I’m listening to Notes in Spanish. I’m strongly considering weekly group classes. And at the end of March, no matter what my level is, I’m finding a partner and doing weekly (or more) Skype dates where I speak in Spanish. Because actually speaking Spanish is by far what I’m worst at. Thank god it’s not something necessary to the core of the goal *rolls eyes*.

I’m going to track my progress, once I have any progress to track. I’m excited/nervous about this one. A huge part of me really believes this is something I just can’t do. And the other, smaller, part of me knows the only way it’s impossible is if I let myself think it is. It’s also so much easier to not try and not fail than to try and be bad. But I just have to let myself struggle, embrace the struggle even, until it all starts clicking a bit. Which it will. It has to.

Wish me luck!

ANYONE UP FOR A TRIP TO ALASKA?

Two of the states I’m the most excited to visit are Alaska and Hawaii. I’m not sure if it’s because they feel so different from the continental US, or if I’m just intrigued by their distance the and perceived challenge of getting to them. I say perceived, because my personal travel philosophy is that you can get anywhere without spending much money if you’re determined enough.

And the trip to Alaska is becoming a real thing! Last week Katie and I applied for this credit card. After spending 2,000, you get 40,000 Alaska Airline miles. Which is more than enough miles for a RT flight from Los Angeles to Anchorage!

Our cards arrived last night and once we spend the minimum the miles should post to our accounts in 2-3 weeks. As of right now we’re aiming for a March trip, because that’s when the Northern lights are the easiest to see from Alaska, and man do we want to see the Northern lights.

I’m a little sad to go while it’s still predominantly dark, especially looking back on how cool the constant light in Iceland was this summer, but if the exchange is the Aurora Borealis, I am so down. Plus I love snow!

Also itching to see the Northern Lights? A big fan of The Proposal? Get the card and Alaska is well within reach for you too!

(source for feature photo)

HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

So I’m a little late blogging about this one, but I can officially check it off. On December 18th, I picked Gareth up at Logan Airport, and we spent the night celebrating our year anniversary. It was so incredibly special to get to spend that day with him, especially because there are so many other important dates we miss.

For our anniversary, we went to Maggiano’s, one of my favorite restaurants in Boston, and spent the night in the Omni Parker House, where JFK is said to have proposed to Jackie. I don’t know if I’ve made this clear yet, but I love JFK!

At the Omni Parker House

Jack and Jackie

Speaking of guys I love, let’s talk about my boyfriend. I hate being mushy, but this post seems to call for it, so excuse me this one time. When things started with him, they should have felt terrifying and complicated and impossible. He lived on the other side of the world. There was an 8 hour time difference between us. We had also been friends for quite a while and that’s something you have to decide is worth risking. And yet with him, it felt so easy. So simple. I didn’t stress out or overanalyze or see all the reasons it couldn’t work. I never doubted how he felt or that we would work well together, even considering the insane distance between us. It sounds crazy, but it felt like it would have been so much harder for it to not have happened. I’ve never felt so on the same page with someone, never not had someone care more or less than I did. I’ve never been with someone where it felt impossible to not say “I love you” way too soon. And I never felt so incredibly comfortable around someone before.

I feel part of a team and so lucky to have found him. But not just because of how he makes me feel, but because of who he is. He’s accomplished so much in his professional life, I’m overwhelmingly proud of the business and community he has created. He’s the first to help anyone who needs it, and really believes that you’re supposed to leave the world better off than you found it. He is so moral, so caring, and also just really fun to be around. He’s my favorite person to hang out with, and pretty much I can’t wait to celebrate a million more anniversaries with him.

Okay, I’m done being mushy, but I’m very glad I can give #19 a big check mark, and I’m so lucky to be able to have done it with him.

GR-93 EZCARAY TO SAN MILLAN DE COGOLLA

KNIT ALONG

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My yarn finally arrived and I’ve started the first pattern for the Martin Storey Knit-along I’m doing! Every two weeks a new pattern is released, and you make six squares of each pattern. I’m behind because my yarn took so long to come–the second pattern was released almost a week ago and I’m still on the third square of the first pattern. Better knit fast!

But! I’m having so much fun with it. And I’ve only done two and a half squares and you can see real progress from the first square to the third. It’s neater, and it FEELS so much more natural. Once I finish these six, I start the second pattern which has two colors. I’m nervous but excited–I watched a few youtube videos and think I understand how to weave the colors in, and I can’t wait to see how it turns out!

And just so you don’t think I’ve abandoned cross stitching for knitting, here’s an update on the elephants I’m doing for my mom.