Maternity Leave Goals

I am so behind on so much – I need to post my decade wrap up, my 30th birthday, my 30 before 30 review, but with 2021 nearly over (HOW, I still think it’s early 2020), I want to make sure I’m focused on accomplishing specific things before my year of mat leave ends.

Living in the UK means I get a year off for maternity leave. This is a HUGE opportunity, and one I never expected to have growing up in the US. However I do feel a bit nervous about taking a year away from my career, so there are things I want to accomplish while I’m out of the office and be able to return with an improved CV, and then a few other things I want to do to improve my quality of life.

  • Finish my MPH. Somehow I’m in my last year! When I first started, the idea of it taking four years to complete felt never ending. And now here we are! I have three courses left, and I’m really excited about two of them. Last year I took a Public Health focused class on infectious diseases (so interesting in times of COVID) and I loved it. So this year I’m taking an epidemiology focused infectious disease class, much more challenging but I figured I should follow my interests while I still have the chance. I’m also taking one on medical anthropology which I’m also super excited to learn more about. And then I can return to work with my masters!
  • Get conversational (or stretch goal/dream, to a professional level) in Spanish. Something mega exciting that I’ve been planning way, way before we even conceived, is to spend a few months in Spain during the mat leave taking intensive Spanish classes. I was shocked by how quickly I picked up some basic French after just two weeks of intensive lessons in Montpellier, so hopefully after a few months of them in Spain I’ll be much better at Español! We’ve already booked our accommodation, more details on this exciting move coming soon! 
  • Become a trustee at a charity. There are a few charities I really admire and think I could offer my experience to their board. This is a bit intimidating as a young, mid-level woman instead of an older, high level white man, but I have submitted my first application (to a charity I’m very passionate about and that truly feels like a perfect fit) and I got an interview. Them being interested enough to interview me is a great confidence boost and will definitely help inspire me to keep applying until I’m successful.
  • Get my driving license! I am SO desperate for this one! I have driven since I was 16, but not since I moved to the UK. And wow do I miss the freedom of having my own car. I’ve had to rely on Gareth for so much, and I am sooo excited to have a bit more independence. I’m going to book a week of intensive lessons to get comfortable driving on this side of the road (and to get used to the much smaller lanes) hopefully while my mom is here in December to watch Iris.
  • Become a UK citizen! Next June I’ll have lived here for 5 years and be eligible for citizenship. I don’t love not being a citizen of the country where my daughter was born and will live for the foreseeable, especially post-Brexit. I have pre-settled status at the moment which means I can leave for 2 years and still return, but any longer than that and I’d have to get a visa.
  • Volunteer more. It’s so hard to volunteer working full time, especially doing a part time masters, but I hopefully I’ll be able to fit in a bit more during this year.
  • Do the Strong as a Mother course. Gareth’s gym has a postpartum programme that I want to complete to help me get back to normal. Pregnancy and birth was really hard on my body and I’ve been really weak and out of shape for nearly a year now. I’ve had a lot of postpartum complications and I just want to feel healthy and healed and capable again.

I have no idea if I’m being way too ambitious for a year with a new baby, but we’ll see what I can get done!

 

Kitchen Reno

Kitchen Reno

We remodeled our kitchen! Months ago, back in November, but I was a bit busy and haven’t posted about anything in months.

If you remember, this was the kitchen before.

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Then we put in parquet wood floors, which made it a bit nicer but still in desperate need of updating.

We demo’ed the kitchen ourselves, which was a bit horrifying, and hired separate plumbers and electricians, but otherwise IKEA did everything and it was much less expensive than I feared – still pricy but not the horror stories you hear about the cost of kitchen renos. Things that we added to the kitchen include much more storage (in the form of drawers, which are so much better than cabinets), a DISHWASHER, which was life changing, full size fridge and freezer, and a microwave! Along with just making it all look much nicer.

Kitchen Reno Kitchen Reno Kitchen Reno

It was quite stressful as IKEA didn’t measure correctly initially so the job ended up being much bigger than planned, but luckily because it was their mistake it didn’t cost us anything.

Kitchen Reno

We painted the walls Setting Plaster by Farrow and Ball and did the tiling ourselves. I think the room came together really well; there is still a few more shelves we want to hang and to update the artwork, but we are very into it. Plus it could have come out somehow worse than before        and having a dishwasher would make it all worth it to me. I love dishwashers.

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Once the kitchen was done, we had two big projects left that we wanted to accomplish pre-baby. The terrible downstairs bathroom, and the nursery of course!

DIY Kitchen Parquet Floors

When we moved in we had a list of changes we wanted to make sooner rather than later. One that I really wanted to do was pull up the lino kitchen floors and put in herringbone parquet. The only way we’d be able to afford this would be to do it ourselves, and after some trial (and definitely some error) we are so pleased with how they turned out!

The Baseline

Not terrible, but none of it was really to our taste. And once we started on the floors things kind of ran away from us and we ended up completely redoing the entire kitchen! Lockdown gave us too much time so scheme. This post will only focus on the floors however, so read on for more details below!

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Flat Tour!

We moved into our flat back in early November, but due to engagements and 30th birthdays and the holidays, we are really only now getting properly settled in. Our sofa arrived just after we got back from the states, we ordered a dryer(!) and are trying to figure out how to make the kitchen more our style (TBC).

There’s so much work to do, but here is what we’ve done so far!

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Thanksgiving 2019 / G’s 30th!

This year the Saturday of Thanksgiving (when we celebrate in the UK as it’s obvs not a holiday here) and Gareth’s 30th birthday fell on the same day. We had very recently moved into our new flat and gotten engaged – so there was a lot to celebrate!

We still didn’t have a couch, so we brought some gym equipment from The Yard and fashioned a giant table and fit most of our closest friends in. Other than an oven that broke just when all the pies went in, it was perfect. The food was amazing, after eating we went to the park and played football, a friend had pre-made Gareth’s favourite dessert, so we were still able to sing. Then we stopped into a new craft beer place next door that just opened, got pretty drunk, and played games all night. Perfect.

   

We Bought a Flat!

Back in June, right after my first year of exams for my masters, we started looking at flats for sale. Since I came back from Madagascar in April, we had been living in a pretty small flat with a friend from university. She was very gracious to let me move in unexpectedly, but I think we were all looking forward to having a bit more space and being able to live alone with our partners. We saw five or six properties, but from the time I saw our flat listed, I knew it was the one. We rushed out to see it, and on the drive home put in an offer. It was exciting! It was terrifying! Would they accept?? Was it a mistake? Buying property is a huge and scary financial commitment! The next day we were asked to up it a bit, and then it was official! We were in the process of buying a flat!

What I quickly learned is that buying in the UK is very different from the US in a few ways. Mainly, there is nothing quick about it. We were in a bit of a race to close before Gareth officially inherited his mom’s house, because here you pay something called stamp duty, which is a tax on all property bought. It goes up based on the cost of the property and it goes up significantly if it’s a second property.

Another big difference is that being under offer is not binding. Either side can pull out at any moment and there’s no consequence. In the US, being under offer is a bit of a reassurance – it’s unlikely it will fall through and you can feel okay about spending time and money on a solicitor to handle the purchase, do the inspection, etc. Here, someone could come in at any point in the process and put in an offer above yours – this is called “gazumping” and is really common. Our offer was contingent on the flat being removed from all the websites.

The last major difference is that here you buy property in a “chain.” In the US, you buy a property and sell your property independent of each other. Here, we weren’t selling, but our sellers were buying a new place, putting us in a chain of three. Us, our sellers, and their sellers. We all had to exchange contracts on the same day. So though our sale was ready to go through, we had another week of delay because there was a problem with the sale between our sellers and their new property.

On average the whole process takes about four months, and the fact that anyone can pull out at any time, someone could be gazumped, or an issue further down the chain could disrupt the entire process means that about one in three sales falls through in the UK.

Knowing this made it so. hard. to. wait. We really wanted this place, and after a few months we definitely didn’t want to have to start over or to have to pay for any of the many costs that go into buying a place again.

Luckily, we came in right at the average! It took us about four months, and we closed November 4th.

Montpellier, France

TWO WEEK INTENSIVE FRENCH COURSE IN MONTPELLIER, FRANCE

Between Madagascar and moving back to London, there was a lot of uncertainty – would I actual go back to London? Would I move back to California* like I’ve been dreaming about for a few years now? Look for another position in the field with a more robust health care system? Or even take a few months off just to focus on language?

Montpellier, France

Then I got offered my current position back at MSI and the decision was made. I’d be moving to London and happily back in with G! I had a few weeks to play around with before my start date, and learning French is something that has been on my list of goals for years. It would be a huge career boost, and despite taking a course at MSI in early 2018, I still felt like I lacked even the most basic building blocks of the language. So I decided to book in for an intensive two week course in the south of France at LSF French school. I decided on this school because of price, location (I’d never been to S of France, I liked the small size of the city, and the weather was meant to be lovely – though I had terrible luck in that regard), and reputation – it had loads of excellent reviews.

Montpellier, France

My experience

I stayed with a host family which is very out of character – I value independence and privacy highly. I did it because it’s meant to offer the best opportunity to learn French, and while I don’t regret having done it, I wouldn’t again.

Pros:

– You can practice French in a natural environment with people who have to be patient with you. You’ll learn how people speak colloquially, learn words about everyday living that may not come up in class, and be exposed to the language basically 24/7.

– You can see how locals lived, which is something I think is important when visiting a new place – to get outside of the tourist bubble. I was quite far out and had to take a 25-minute metro ride into the city centre every day, and while this wasn’t ideal it did allow me to live a bit more like a local than tourist.

Montpellier, France

Cons:

– Every family is different, and you’re inserted right into someone else’s family. Two weeks is a bit of an awkward time. It’s difficult to get close, but you’re right there living with them – there was some personal drama that happened while I was there that I was a bit caught up in – very awkward when you’re an outsider who doesn’t speak the language!

– In my experience, the expectation was very much that I would spend as much free time with the family as possible. I spent 90% of my time in the library studying, and I think my host mother felt a tiny bit put out by this. I didn’t sign up for catered food, but started feeling guilty if I didn’t eat with the family every night anyway (with my own food obviously), and even at nearly 30 years old, they very much wanted to know my whereabouts at all times.

– I think the biggest issue I had was that I came in as a complete beginner. The family didn’t speak English, and I think a few decades ago the model would have worked where I’d have been forced to gesture until I could speak, and then speak and build from what I was learning each day, etc. Instead the host family used Google translate to communicate with me. I did eventually ask them to at least speak the words as well, so I could hear it in French, and it wasn’t terrible both seeing it written out and hearing it out loud. But I didn’t feel comfortable enough to do that right away, and for a while it felt like the only things I was learning were from listening in on their conversations to each other.

These things all might be very expected for a host family, and even desirable for some people. It’s also just one experience – I’d stayed with one other host family when I was in Guatemala for a few weeks in 2010, and in that instance we had breakfast together every day, but there were no expectation to spend free time socializing together. They were very happy to help when needed and would have a chat in Spanish at the end of most nights, but I still felt quite independent. That wasn’t the case here, and I think will be hard to know what kind of situation you’re getting before arrival.

Montpellier and LSF

Montpellier was incredible. This was my first trip to the south of France and it didn’t disappoint. The skies were blue, the town gorgeous, and the food delicious – which was even more meaningful after living with the limited food option in Mada for nearly six months. I love a small city in which to learn a language, and Montpellier was ideal.

Montpellier, France

LSF, the school where I studied was perfect. The teaching style was fantastic, the technology top notch, and I honestly learned faster than I ever could have imagined. It’s a bit of a let down because I’ve always dreamed of moving to the French countryside and taking lessons long term, however if I were to over go back it would be hard to not returned to LSF. I know the quality of their education and it would feel like a waste of time and money to go elsewhere!

Montpellier, France

*This would have been difficult to do as I don’t have health insurance in America anymore. If I got sick now, it would be nearly impossible to move home with my family to receive care. Another reason America’s HC system needs overhauling and another reason to vote for Elizabeth Warren in the upcoming primaries and election!

THIS SEASON

I haven’t done a non-travel update in so long, and I do love being able to look back at the different stages of life I’ve been through since starting this blog.

London

Still in London! The weather is still horrible, though last week it was magically beautiful and I suddenly remembered why I love this city so much. Hopefully that will only improve along with the weather.

We’ve moved into a new flat and I am honestly in love with my commute. I loved our old flat but felt like we were ages away from anything, and I was on the train about 2.5 hours every day getting to and from work (but man did I read a lot of books). Now I have a quite enjoyable 15 minute walk to Brixton, where I can hop on the tube (always get a seat as it’s the start of the line), and go straight into work. I look forward to it every day!

Our new flat is so great. The layout just makes so much sense for us (and has forced the cats and dog to get along), and I really love our neighbourhood.

I’m still at my job working in international sexual and reproductive health, and I still find it interesting and challenging and a real anchor to London – I worried it would feel like Gareth’s city I was visiting, but my job has given me a really distinct and separate purpose.

This weekend I leave for a hen do in Ibiza (my first time back to Spain since I said goodbye to Logrono), and then weddings the following two weekends.  Somehow, I have timed it exactly right, and am living in London when 90% of my UK based friends are getting married. It’s honestly the luckiest, most incredible timing, as I can do hen dos and engagement parties and all the weddings. It’s difficult having friends I love so spread out, and I am so grateful I get to be here for this season of celebration and love!

I’m looking towards the future and am not completely sure what it holds. I’m completely sure I don’t want to be an assistant forever. I miss Los Angeles, and also am maaaaaybe a little obsessed with babies. There’s still so much travel I want to do and things I want to learn, but I’m trying (with minimal success, haha) to stay present in the moment and not worry about the future too much.

monterosso cinque terre

2018 GOALS

So I didn’t accomplish most of my 2017 goals, but I’m giving myself a pass on self improvement and instead feeling proud I got through the year at all!

That said, I have some big goals for 2018, and a lot of them are the same as before.

SPANISH. I am SO upset that I lived in Spain for nearly a year and didn’t leave with a higher level of Spanish. I’ve signed up for three courses here in London, the first was far too easy, though I took their placement test, and the other two have been canceled last minute due to insufficient enrolment. Why doesn’t anyone else care about Spanish?! I’m talking a placement exam with Instituto Cervantes, the official Spanish program, in a little over a week, and am definitely finding a class for January. I have two goals, one easy and one a bit harder. I want to pass the B1 exam that is being given in May. That should be easy as I don’t think I’m far off now. The harder one is that I want to pass the B2 exam that will be given in November.

I want to be physically strong again. I’ve barely worked out in the last six months and have eaten everything and anything unhealthy. I’ve definitely had my mom’s cookies at Christmas, but overall I’ve been eating better and I want to keep it up in January–maybe add in some pilates as well.

Learn to drive a standard. Living in the outskirts of London and not being able to drive is not great! Not being able to drive in Cornwall is worse. Most European cars are manual, and I need to get on it and give myself back the freedom of the open road!
Catch up on this blog. I have travel that I need to write about dating back over a year! I want to get it all down, as looking back through old posts makes me so happy–it’s a great record to have of everything I’ve done.

Get content. Like I said before, I’m having a hard time feeling at home in London. I think it’s a mixture of a few things–we don’t live in a very lively area at all, I commute about three hours round trip a day, and I feel like the future I’d been planning is disappearing. But feeling this way is only making me resent London, which isn’t helping anything at all. So I need to figure out how to either be content living here, or come up with a different plan, because unhappiness isn’t a good look on anyone! There are so many options–moving closer to central London, traveling more, taking classes I’m interested in (Spanish and I’ve also signed up for a pottery class!)–or something more drastic like going back to Spain, or France, and taking language lessons, or going to grad school, or backpacking SE Asia. The possibilities are endless, and I think maybe even just remembering that could give me the boost I need to cheer up a bit.

Florence, Italy

2017 WRAP UP

Well, 2017. You weren’t the best.

The year started out pretty well, actually. New Years was great, and in the first part of the year, Lee visited and we went to Belgium, Faye visited, I got placed in Granada for the coming year, spent Semana Santa in Italy, Slovenia, Croatia, and Bosnia. It was a great Winter/Spring, and such a fantastic time in life.

Things since then haven’t been nearly so happy. I haven’t posted about it, but in June Gareth’s mom was diagnosed with cancer. I moved to the UK a few days later, and unfortunately the cancer was incredibly aggressive and she passed away at the end of June–only a few weeks after diagnosis. There aren’t really words to describe what it’s like to watch someone get sick so quickly, or watch the person you love lose their mom, so I’m not going to try. But suffice to say, it was and still is hard on a daily basis.

We moved back to London from G’s mom’s house at the end of July, and I got a full time job in a sector I love. However, the plan was never to settle down long term, and as it looked like the plan to travel was getting further and further away, I was finding it harder and harder to be content with life in London–not to mention Gareth and I finally moved in together under the most stressful circumstances imaginable. Life has been hard and sad lately, though I have hope it’s getting a bit brighter each day.

I try to keep things relatively happy on this blog, hence the lack of posts for much of this year. But the reality is, the second half of 2017 was not nice, and sometimes that’s life. Things aren’t great all the time, and there will be seasons where you just need to survive.

So, 2017 had some highs as well as lows. I’m quite ready for the year to be over, and here’s to a happier 2018!